I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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