he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
