i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
