I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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