i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
