Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just gift wrapped bread.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
