I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Did I show you my penis last night?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
