Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
