i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
