This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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