Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
