he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
