Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
