I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
