I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
