Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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