Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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