We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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