I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
