oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
