Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
