if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
