Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
