oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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