I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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