Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
