his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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