So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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