so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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