Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
