the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
