Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
