hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
