Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
