Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
