hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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