Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
