Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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