I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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