I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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