Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize