one might say we're banned from that church
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want to make out with him forever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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