apparently the secret to your success is patron
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
