im six kinds of drunk right now
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
