so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
