watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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