I heard we made out
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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