then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
