I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
