I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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